The real Fathers day!

Today I was blessed with all of my children, they showed up around noon just in time for a picnic. We took a small walk to a little gazebo along side a pond where we enjoyed left over pizza from Father's Day dinner. Kaytlin went to town on a couple of graham crackers and a pizza bone. we were visited by a wasp who met his untimely end. After lunch we packed up and headed to the Y for an afternoon of swimming. Swimming went well, because we didn't have any sunblock we alternated between swimming inside and outside. Kaytlin is quite the water bug, unlike her big sister who is plagued with a fear of water. Julianna was however doing pretty good today. I think she is coming around. After swimming we headed to the store for a few dinner ingredients. Once home we shared dinner together at our dinner table for the first time in months. We each took a few minutes of prayer and thanked God for something special I thanked god for our time together, Bradley too thanked god for our time together, Julianna thanked God for the heat because it allowed us to swim outside.:) After dinner I prepared some mint chocolate chip shakes and we all enjoyed that even little miss Kaytlin. we spent the rest of the evening relaxing with a couple of good movies. I'm afraid that today will be difficult to top especially because I've developed a terribly sore throat. We'll just have to see how it all turns out. Overall today was a hugely spirit lifting experience for me. Thank you God for this most wonderful day.

Alone on Father's Day

Through all that my ex-wife has put me through I must say, I am so very thankful of the gift of children that she brought into my world. Proof that there is some good in everyone I suppose. All said and done, I was happy just having time with Julianna today. Times like these are hard as a man when he can only rely on what he believes himself to be as a father. Gone from my life are the reassurances that I am doing a great job as a father. I really do miss that about being married. Just one more example of how empty I feel these days. I will be able to spend the day with my all of children tomorrow, I am very excited about that. I think we will have a picnic, and possibly go swimming. I received a text from Bradley's father tonight wishing me a happy Father's Day, and Kaytlin's father invited me to the zoo for the Father's Day car show. He even provided tickets for Julianna and I. So there you have it, my first Father's Day alone. It is not my favorite thing on earth but, my these kids are worth it. Thank-you God for these wonderful gifts in my life.

Back on track

As I have said before, this blog is about the transformation of self. Just like many of you I struggle with many of life's very difficult challenges. I fight with my weight, unemployment, divorce, temptations of all natures etc. I do believe that I am a good man, I have had to make many self sacrifices for the betterment of those around me. But I can be better as we all can. I only drink once in a very great while and I fell to that temptation on Thursday night. As a result I missed out on working out with my sister as well as eating improperly. I'm kinda glad it happened because it reminded me of the consequences of drinking. Last night I was blessed with seeing my youngest daughter Kaytlin. She is the result of infidelity on my ex wife's behalf. I have been there since the day she was born and she is a wonderful addition to my family. There is an issue though, because she is not physically mine the divorce does not grant me any time with her and Samantha uses her as a bargaining tool. The time we have had has been very special, and I will always maintain as strong of a relationship as is possible. Today has been a descent day overall. I was able to spend time with my sister and her kids and after dinner we got in a good walk. I may not be off and running but I did find the track. Good luck on your own personal journeys and God bless.

Stumbling block #1

Everything was great yesterday, I was spending time with my daughter, my sister, and my nieces. My 5 year old daughter informs me that Mommy's new fiance has been taking her out on his motorcycle. She does admit to wearing a helmet, but I am just not ok with this. So now I realize that I'm going to have to have an argument with Samantha because you can't bring anything up without it turning into a knock down drag out fight. Just as I suspected this was the case. After an hour of fighting I was finally able to get her to agree not to allow her on it again. I was frustrated and so I went out with some friends. I ate too much, drank too much, and missed my work out with my sister. Jenny, I am so very sorry I promise I'll make it up to you. So there you have it. I am ashamed of myself today. I guess the only thing to do is get back on the horse, and so I shall.

The Goals

If your still reading this I want to extend my personal thanks to you, it was good to get that off of my chest. Whether you know me or not I'm glad you were there to listen. I hope that you choose to follow my blog and encourage me along the way. Heaven knows I need it! The first step is to lay out some specific goals. Here they are.

Goal #1: Lose weight, I am currently 282lbs. I am going to commit to losing 72lbs in the next 365 days. This is an extremely reasonable goal I think. I plan on doing this with a reasonable diet plan and exercise.

Goal #2: Find suitable employment, I was laid off last Aug, and I have had a difficult time finding work. I am committed to finding a job, even if it is minimum wage. I will require that it be of a steady type that interferes as little as possible with the time I have with my daughter.

Goal #3: Begin school, I am scared of this one! Even if I take only a few classes to begin with, I must start with something. This is the reason that I must find stable employment. I will need a job that works either nights or days but doesn't fluctuate. I believe that at minimum wage, this is attainable.

Goal #4: Listen to God, I must continue a path toward becoming more like Christ. I commit to reading from my bible daily, attending church on Sundays and Wednesday nights, and volunteering at least one day per week.


Goal #5: Maintain a daily blog, I believe this is will play a key role in achieving my ultimate goal of being the best man I can be. It will provide accountability from others, and maybe I can touch a few lives along the way.

So there we have it, five goals that are attainable. I believe this will help to get me started toward a new and much improved me. Please feel free to let me know if you have any ideas of your own that may help. I know that there are others out there that are fighting with some of the same things I have been, my goal is to become a better man, what is yours?

Another new begining

So what can I say, life has dealt me a pretty bad hand. Many a gambler would fold at this stage but I'm all in. It seems that there are a few that have forgotten what I'm really made of and its high time you figure it out. I am not self righteous but Its about time I stand up for myself. I was an American soldier, I served my country proudly. How is it that you so quickly dismiss that fact as typical or ordinary? Well sweetheart there was nothing typical or ordinary about Dec 24, 1996 as I sat in a 4X4 wooden shack, m16 in hand, safety off. Yes, if that date escaped you it was Christmas Eve, while you were sleeping tight in your bed awaiting all the wonders that Christmas morning had to offer. I was freezing my ass off until somewhere around 3am when I was forced to fire upon an intruder scaling the walls of our compound that housed hundreds of sleeping soldiers also fighting for your freedoms. In that moment of fear I was able to do what I had to do, I didn't run, and I'm sure as hell not starting now. I might not be the catch of the day in an endless sea of jerks ready to use you and toss you aside. But I am a man that knows how to love unconditionally, and can protect those that he knows and loves. I have lived a mediocre life content with my being, and thankful for every day god has given me. By God's grace I have been able to provide at all times for my family. How ungrateful you are to cast me aside like yesterdays news. I held, fed, and changed your children even those who belonged to other men. While you sat on your laurels not lifting a finger to help. And how do you repay me? You start by acting scandalous with one of my best friends! Oh no there is nothing going on between us yet he puts his house up for sale within a week of our breakup, you purchase a house together within a month and you flaunt you new wedding ring around within three months. Your both pathetic. As for you Mark you would love to try and defend yourself by saying that we were broken up. How is it excatly that we were broken up when she was still living with me? Or how about when I brought it up that you needed to stop hitting on my wife two weeks earlier. Not to mention that unwritten rule about dating your friends Ex's. Well now its my time! Like the pheonix rising from the ashes, I have reamerged a new and improved man. While I was content in my being before, my time has come. So sit back and enjoy the show. I am about to show you what happens when a soldier is pushed to the brink. Just as you rubbed in my face your wonderful new relationship with my wife. I will show you how much better a man I am. You are forgiven as Christ has forgiven me. Good luck to you both! I have washed my hands, and god has washed away your affect on me.